This has to be, by far, the question we get asked most by our “vanilla” fellows: Why would someone hire you? (Let’s keep the kinkphobia out of it and ignore the “to kick them in the balls” part) With communities like FetLife, Reddit or Twitter where you can find many non-professional Dommes, why bother paying for one?
There are several approaches to this matter. First and foremost, no matter if you’re an active supporter of Female Supremacy, an avid Financial Domination slave or not, you should be able to recognize the dire predicament and discrimination most women face. We live in a capitalist system, which means that access to money is akin to access to health, resources and quality of life. You should be giving your money to women (in the words of Bardot Smith, Yeoshin Lourdes and Lauren Chief Elk) anyway, but especially if you wish for us to partake in activities that are dangerous for us (such as socially stigmatized behaviour that could mean we’d be out of a job in the future, interacting with men in closed spaces in which our personal safety is at risk, etc.). It’s a matter of restorative justice for all women, but even more for black, POC, trans and sex working women. Sex work, Pro Domination included, is one of the few jobs in which women are paid for their erotic and emotional labour, as well.
Which directly leads to the second approach: If you hire a professional, the session will be all about you. Your needs, your desires, your kinks (as long as they’re something the particular Pro Domme offers) will be central to the session. If you were to go with an amateur encounter, you would have to reach another kind of agreement with the Dominatrix and offering something in return for all her hard work – and let’s face it, there are few things men have or are able to do that are as useful for us as cold, hard cash; and of course, your needs wouldn’t be as central. I know that as a male/guy/man this is a hard pill to swallow, but if you’re not paying us, why should we cater to you… at all?
And speaking about needs, Pro Domination offers easy access to highly-trained, specialized professionals with whom you can share a unique experience – this wouldn’t be possible without paying. There’s a common fantasy between paying subs/clients that if we had met under different circumstances, they would’ve stricken our fancy and we would’ve played with them (or even kept them as slaves!) for free. Maybe we would, maybe we wouldn’t, but for sure it wouldn’t be as easy as screening, paying a deposit, paying us and enjoying your kink for whatever time we’ve agreed to. There would be expectations involved, many of which most men are fairly uninterested in fulfilling (such as emotional labour and/or being financially supportive in our lives). And let’s face it: you want access to us. You want to access the intricately curated persona we show you, the unattainable fantasy we weave around you. Creating, maintaining and growing this fantasy is not free nor is it cheap. If you want to enjoy a piece of it, you need to pay.
No matter the angle from which you choose to view this question, the answer is quite simple: give your money to women and hire a professional. The experience will be fantastic (if you do your research properly) and you will sleep better knowing that you’ve redistributed a bit of your wealth in a way that really matters – and to sleep even better, I strongly suggest you keep on tipping and giving your favourite Dommes their money.